Freedom from Abuse

Glory Shine

God’s institution of family is for us a place to belong, to love, and to feel loved. Too often we see Christian homes turned into places of terror. Sadly, abuse happens even in the so-called Christian homes.

Abuse includes actions, words, and attitudes that oppress, afflict harm, or denigrate a person. An abuser seeks to diminish or oppress another person. Some people feel they must emotionally pummel others so they can remain in charge or dominate. Such people unknowingly take the abusive path to be in control. There are basically 2 kinds of abuse: one is physical and the other is emotional. Physical abuse is abuse in its greatest form. Emotional abuse can be verbal, mental, or sexual. The fact of the matter is all abuse hurts no matter the way it is delivered.

One spouse always being wrong, one spouse always apologizing is all indication of abuse. If all that you do is point out mistakes of your child without due appreciation for the good he has done, it is indication of parental abuse. If all that you as a child do is either get angry, pick up a fight, or throw things at home then you are abusive to your parents. This list can go on and on.

After doing something wrong do you say, “I’m very sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” Does it happen again and again in your relationship? Abusers repeat over and over again that they did not intend to harm, oppress, frighten, or devalue others. The point is when it matters you do it and you always keep things going your way.

Are you abusive or are you a victim of abuse? We live in a society where we suppress our feelings and keep quiet about the abuse. As a result, the self-worth and self-confidence of the victim is completely worn down to the point of total hopelessness. Depression is another symptom of abuse. Abuse creates anger and it often develops into depression. Sexual harassment is also abuse. Strong words can lead to verbal abuse. Verbally abusive people exercise power and control by criticizing, name calling, and demeaning the victim. Financial control is also another form of abuse. The abuser insists on tracking every penny, not giving any freedom to make any level of financial decision while the abuser makes financial decisions routinely without the victim’s knowledge. Controlling time is another form of abuse. Harassing someone on how they manage every second of the day is an example of abuse.

The only solution out of an abusive situation is God. Pray for that person and ask God to intervene. What you can change is how you react; you cannot change the abuser unless God intervenes. Therefore, share with the person how you feel when he/she abuses you. If abuse continues, set new reasonable terms for the relationship. Do not just give in, set clear boundaries. Be careful to weigh the consequences before you do this. Develop emotional intelligence and independence by sharing with a mature person who can give you a sound solution. If you feel abuse can get aggressive and physical always have a mature person to call for timely intervention. You can also have options to seek professional help for yourself and the abuser through a qualified counselor.

God wants you to live and enjoy every day of your life and He is the only solution for this. As much as God is interested in making you a happy person we have our part to play as mature Christians to keep our house abuse free. The father, mother, and children should belong to the family. Everyone needs love, safety, security, and belonging within the family. Everyone in the family has to work to make this happen. May God help us develop godly and abuse-free families!